Today Doesn't Matter

Not today you went and died !

What in the hell do I do now ?

Yesterday you promised me you were not going to die and would always be here for me , but you haven't you have died !

For fuck sake you have left me on my own after all I have done for you over the years, we were supposed to be together till we both died I believed you.

Now you have broken that promise and gone and died I feel so alone .

My little friend you look like you are sound a sleep, in your bed not a movement not a hair out of place just your beautiful self that I love so much .

What in the hell do I do now ?

Its time for me to get your dinner and our daily cuddle but you are not going to want your dinner now are you . I will pick you up and cuddle you close to me .You may feel like your dinner then .

Sitting with her in my arms I could feel tears drops cascading down my cheeks I just wanted to throw up, my stomach was in a knot my head began to spin my heart was broken my mind was lost .

Somehow my mind began remembering the day she came into my life a tiny little fluffy ball so beautiful yet so soft and I knew when I picked her up from her basket she was for me, love at first site she was a present from my wife, for my 60th birthday my wife and I named her Pearly Girl she was truly a gem .

Pearly Girl lived and loved me for 13 years. Day and night she was there my continual loving companion .

My mind is beginning to race along remember when she was 8 weeks old my wife and I took her to the beach, she was the size of a very wee kitten and we were not sure what her reaction to being placed on the sandy beach would be water lapping up on the golden sand sun shinning at our backs and a wee little puppy standing on the golden sand before we new it Pearly Girl spotted a number of seagulls walking along the edge of the water and off she went chasing them as fast as she could go the birds took to the air with Pearly right behind them and us chasing behind her she ran quite a distance for a very wee puppy .We picked her up from the sand and gave her a hug and a pat so so small in our hands .

I find myself gulping large puffs of air into my shaking lungs, tears still cascading down my checks, my mind is spinning faster and faster I feel like a giant Ferris wheel spinning out of control I flop back into my arm chair the chair that Pearly girl and I cuddled together in.

I can go on with loving moments we had together till the cows come home however that will not bring Pearly girl back or ease my heartfelt pain .

My mind is going around like a Mixmaster out of control ,with all the whys and if only, why me ? Why my little girl ? Surely God you could have saved her .

I dry reaching I search for the washing bucket I find it full of soaking washing at the same time my stomach takes over and an explosion come rubble out I turn the bucket upside down the water and clothes come tumbling out my shoes and bottom of my pants are covered with water and wet clothes I turn it up the right way and splat into the bucket goes my lunch and I am sure my heart as well !

My loving wife I had forgotten about her for the moment she must beside herself she loved Pearly girl as if she had given birth to her her heart must be broken just like mine . I called her name and found her sitting on the sofa with he head between her hands and tears rolling down her cheeks she looked up and said are you ok ? Am I ok?

My God she needs my arms around her .

We hugged each other and together we said our goodbyes!